


Look at Me

by sentimental_boy



Series: Matt Murdock imagines [27]
Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Insecure Matt, confession of love, internalized ableism?, you comfort you boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-05-05 04:19:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5361158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sentimental_boy/pseuds/sentimental_boy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt's insecure about how his blindness affects you and you comfort him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Look at Me

You walk into Matt’s firm, hoping to surprise him. It’s always hard due to his senses, but you’re determined to succeed one of these days.

“Matt? Is that you?” You hear Foggy call.

“No, it’s me. The girlfriend.”

Foggy comes out of his office. “Oh hey. Matt just left for lunch.”

“Damn. I was hoping to surprise him.”

“You know that’s near impossible with his senses.” As the words are leaving his mouth, you see a look of panic and fear growing on his face.

“It’s okay Foggy, I know he’s Daredevil.”

Foggy lets out a breath. “Thank God. You know, it would be nice if he kept me in the loop on this stuff. Does Karen know yet?”

“Not that he’s told me.” You pause. "Speaking of which, where is she?”

“She called in sick. Between you and me, I think she’s just blowing us off.”

“Hey, everyone uses at least one sick day for that.”

“True. But Matt and I are cool bosses.”

You laugh.

“So talk to me. What’s new with you and Matt? Or just you, whatever.” He asks.

“What, Matt doesn’t talk to you about this stuff?”

“Not really. He’s different with you. Maybe it’s because you’re actually dating and he’s not just sleeping with you. He talks about how great you are but I don’t know. It’s almost like he’s shy about you. And trust me, Matt is many things, but shy is not one of them.”

“Really? Because whenever he’s around me, specifically when he goes to touch me, he seems so nervous.”

“Matt Murdock? Are you serious?”

“Yeah. He’s always so deliberate and short outside of the bedroom. He almost acts scared and I don’t get it.”

“Yeah, that’s strange. How long have you been together now, six months?”

“Seven.” You think for a minute. “You might know the answer to this. I know Matt could see until he was nine. Does he ever feel people’s faces?”

“Uh yeah. Has he never done that with you?”

“No. He hasn’t even brought it up.”

“Then how do you know about it? Do you know someone else who’s blind?”

“No. It’s actually a little embarrassing. When we first met, I did a quick google search on what not to ask a blind person because I didn’t want to offend him or sound like a broken record. I found this site with a bunch of articles about blind people and it was actually interesting so I kept reading. Anyway, there was one that talked about how if a person wasn’t born blind, or is partially sighted, it can help form a mental image. ”

Foggy smiles. “Okay, that’s adorable. I’m totally telling Matt.”

“Please don’t.”

“You expect me to keep that gem to myself? I don’t think I can.”

“I think you can and you will if you ever want me to keep anything secret for you.”

He sighs. “Fine.”

“Anyway, it also mentioned that Hollywood has romanticized the whole thing. Most blind people are usually too embarrassed to actually do it. But that hasn’t been the case with Matt?”

“Not that I know of. If anything, he uses it as a pick up line. You should bring it up.”

“You don’t think it would make him uncomfortable?”

Foggy shrugs. “This is uncharted territory for me. I think it might help figure out why he’s being so weird, which would be worth it, I think.”

You nod. “Yeah. Maybe. Thanks Foggy.”

He shrugs. "What are friends for if not to gossip about your other friends?"

You laugh. "I'll let you get back to work, it was nice seeing you."

"Yeah. Don't be a stranger."

-0-

You crawl into bed with Matt after you get out of the shower and snuggle up to him. You notice he hesitates as he goes to put his arm around you.

“Matt? Is something wrong?”

He furrows his brows. “I’m fine. Why?”

“You just seem on edge.”

“How so?”

“Maybe on edge isn’t the right term, but it’s somewhere between that and nervousness.”

“I still don’t know what I’m doing that makes you think that.”

You sigh. “Okay, I don’t know how to bring this up, but I think I need to.”

He gives a slight nod against the pillow. “Okay.”

“Do I make you uncomfortable in some way, or are you nervous or something? Because you seem unsure of yourself when you touch me.”

His breath hitches. “Are you telling me you want me to be more assertive in bed?” There's no hint of cheekiness in his voice.

You let out a breath. “No Matt. You’re actually great in that department. It’s casual touches. They all feel deliberate and short. I mean, we’ve been together for 7 months now, I’m just wondering why.”

“I don’t know babe.” He starts to run his thumb along where it’s resting against your arm but stops himself. He just ends up tapping you a couple times.

You sigh, feeling like he’s not sharing something. “Okay Matt. Sorry if I made you self conscious now. I just don’t want you to worry about how you touch me.”

He can tell you’re still unsatisfied with his answer. He understands, he would be too. If he's honest there is something holding him back. “Y/n, you’re right.”

You look up at his silhouette in the darkness and let out a relieved breath. “What is it?”

He takes a breath. “It’s not that I’m nervous. At least I don’t think that’s what it is. I uh, I’m-” he has to stop to gather himself. “When I touch you I just want to keep going. I want to run my hands over every inch of you and memorize what you feel like. When I put my hand at your lower back I want to wrap my arm around your waist and pull you close. I want to caress your hands instead of just hold them. I keep stopping myself because I feel like I’m being too clingy and I don’t know if you want me being like that in front of other people.”

You let out a relieved sigh as you reach up to cup his face. “Matt. I promise you: I'm beyond okay with all of that. You don’t have to over think it anymore, okay?”

He smiles and nods. “While we’re talking about it, there’s something else. I’ve been struggling with it for a while now. Uh, it’s kind of a strange request.”

"Okay."

"Uh, do you mind if I feel your face?" 

You laugh. “Yes Matt. You can look at me.”

At first he’s surprised by your choice of words, but he doesn’t say anything about it. He just breaks out into a giant grin before he kisses you. “I love you, you know that?”

Your eyes widen and even you can hear your heart hammering in your chest. “I know now.” You smile. “Look at me Matt.” You pull his hands up to your face and let yours rest over his. “I love you too.”

When you let your hands fall away his are shaking.

“It’s alright Matt.” You whisper as you run your hands along his arms.

He lets out a shaky chuckle before he lets his thumbs stroke your cheeks. “Can we sit up?”

“Yeah.” You move to sit crisscrossed in front of him and he does the same.

He traces your hairline down and around your jaw first. Then he moves on to your brows and traces the area around your eyes and nose. The way he moves his hands around your face remind you of an artist, mapping out the proportions of what they’re about to make. He works his way around your face and pauses after he swipes his thumb over your bottom lip. You notice his tongue dart out to wet his lips before he leans in for a soft kiss. When he pulls back you can see that he’s still a little embarrassed and you sigh.

“Matt, I want you to be able to visualize me as best you can. Listen to my heart beat when I tell you that I don’t think this is strange at all.”

“I know you wouldn’t lie to me about this.” He lays back down and you follow suit. “It’s just that sometimes I’m worried that I can’t meet your needs. It’s hard for me when I have to do things in a different way, and I don’t always know if they translate the same.”

“What else do you have to do that's different?”

“I can’t honestly tell you if you’re beautiful. Or at least I can’t tell you your hair looks nice today, or which shade of lipstick I like you best in. When you get all dressed up for a special event at work I can’t be taken by how amazing you look in that low cut black dress. I can’t drag you back for one more kiss because I just can’t control myself for one second longer before I promise to tear it off the second you get home.”

“That’s… specific.”

“That’s because I’ve thought about this. I’ve thought about how I can’t watch you sleep or gaze lovingly at you as you bite your lip when you’re concentrating on your computer. I can’t make fun of your morning hair or tell you if you have spinach in your teeth. These are little things that everyone deserves from their mate but I can’t give you.”

You turn the light on and prop your head up on your hand so you can see him better. “Okay, so first of all, I don’t eat spinach, so you don’t have to worry about that. Ever.”

He chuckles.

“And as for the rest, you’re absolutely right. But I don’t care. It’s like you said, you do things differently, and trust me, it translates. And it’s so much more special because the way you do things is new and all you. Everything you just listed is sweet, sure, but it’s so cliche. When guys have told me I’m beautiful or my hair looks good it just feels like they’re doing it because that’s part of your job as the boyfriend. It’s obligation more than anything. I’m sure for a lot of guys that’s not always the case, but it happens to everyone at some point. Then think about sighted people as they get older. As their hair grays and skin thins and wrinkles. The words ‘you’re beautiful’ turn from looks into what they already are to you. You’re talking about who they are as a person, everything that makes them different. And you can interview any of my past boyfriends. I’ve never been known to listen to their opinion about my lipstick. That’s my thing.”

He chuckles. “You’re amazing.”

“I’m glad you noticed.” You pause. “Anyway, being Daredevil, don’t you use your senses to compensate?”

He shrugs. “In everyday functions, sure. But it could never replace sight.”

“Doesn’t it in a way though? Like, you mentioned that you can’t watch me sleep. That's true, but you can listen as my heart rate and breathing slows when I sleep. You know better than anyone if I’m peaceful for if I’m having a nightmare. How I look in that dress can't overwhelm you, but the smell of my perfume can intoxicate you. I’m pretty sure you’ve made me late to more than one event.”

He smiles. “You know, one time when we were first dating, you went on a business trip and I started missing you so I slept with your pillow. After a couple days that wore off, so I went and got a bottle of the perfume you wear. It doesn’t smell the same on those cards as it does when you wear it.”

“Wait, so that story I tell everyone about the airport confiscating my perfume and you having a new one ready for me when I got back, is a lie?”

He laughs. “No, there’s just another layer to it now.”

“You’re lucky you’re comfy.” You say as you curl into his side.

He smiles fondly at the feel of your body fitted to his side. “I am lucky.” He murmurs as you fall asleep next to him.

-0-

The next couple times he goes to touch your face he ducks his head down and sounds so ashamed it breaks your heart. You have to keep reminding him that there’s no reason to be embarrassed.

“Matt?” You ask when he pulls his hands back.

“Hmm?”

“Why am I different?”

“What?”

“Why am I different from other girls? I was talking to Foggy and he mentioned that you basically used ‘can I touch your face’ as a pick up line before you met me. So why are you so embarrassed doing it to me?”

“I care about you and what you think. It’s like I was saying the other day. You deserve to be in a normal relationship with someone who can actually see how beautiful you are. Besides, it’s a weird request.”

You sigh. “Matt, I wish there was something I could do to make you understand that I’m not just okay with you being blind. I love the way you love me because of it.”

A little smile spreads across his face before he lunges forward to hug you. “That means so much to me.” He says into your neck.

You run your hands along his back. “Good. You know, normal- especially when it comes to relationships- is overrated.”

“I’m glad you think so.”


End file.
